Body Image and the Warrior Princess

Since the birth of our son Kaden I’ve struggled with body image. Clearly I’m not alone in this because there are industries built around it making the indulgence of this struggle very convenient.

I got apps on my phone to help catalogue each bite I took. When that wasn’t helpful, I removed all traces of gluten, found every possible way to increase exercise (including drenching myself in my own sweat and the sweat of others in hot yoga), slashed my carb intake, guzzled water, decreased the meat I ate, crammed salad down my throat, tried new supplements, and made animal sacrifices to Dr. Oz. (Okay, I didn’t really make animal sacrifices. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention.)

The scale didn’t budge.

 

My husband is a personal trainer and works at a gym. When I went there among the other women he sees all day, it was a challenge not to compare myself with them or strive to be like them, seemingly perfect.

 

You can see where this would get slippery, where there’s the potential for a person to become very disrupted and not even realize it.

 

But no matter what tweaks I made to my diet and body, there was this internal conflict, a discomfort stronger even than the unhappiness with my slow physical progress: accepting the changes motherhood blessed me with felt like complacency while returning to the body I had before pregnancy felt overly ambitious and vain. There was no in between.

Thankfully there was a divine intervention for me – subtle, but no less divine. I laugh as I think about it, but I distinctly recall the Holy Spirit asking me one day, So, In the midst of all this self-improvement, when was the last time you painted your nails or read a book? Of course I took even that as condemnation and thought to myself, man I really am not doing enough.

 

After that doltish reaction to the sweetness of the Father, there began to be a change in my heart even though the scale was stagnant. A co-worker and I were talking one day about fitness and, again I laugh at this, but we came to a conclusion together that what we wanted wasn’t to look perfect but to be these incredibly strong “warrior princesses.” We realized in hashing out this fantasy that we actually already were.

 

A warrior princess, to us, is a woman whose goal is to be stronger, not necessarily thinner or more attractive. She pushes the boundaries of exercise further than health and wellness and uses it to shatter limitations.

She realized she was a warrior princess when she’d been hoisting enormous boxes of groceries above her head at her old job with such finesse, that people would call her over to get the boxes they

This is Briana, fellow warrior princess and friend.

couldn’t lift themselves.

 
I realized I was a warrior princess one day when I spread 15 bags of mulch over my yard. Afterward, I stepped back, marveled, and knew the treadmill wasn’t the only place to find satisfaction. 
Exercise is everywhere.

We kept talking about it day after day, and the conversation in my head started shifting from needing to be skinny to wanting to be stronger. It liberated me from pining for something out of reach to celebrating what I already.

So the question How can I get there? became the more important question: What is grace for my body today? What is grace for my body in choosing my next snack or meal? What would be celebrating the gift of having a body?

I’d love to tell you that after this penetrating revelation, all my dreams came true. That’s not really how this works. But as I prayerfully contemplated these questions, I slowly woke up the fact that a full life doesn’t have as much to do with appearance as I thought. The license to love my body the way it is, whether or not it ever changes, is a critical starting point to this realization. 

Fall retreat hikers! I'm the one with the camera around my neck.

When the Father asked whether I’d painted my nails or read lately, He was asking me if I’m ever going to decide that today I was enough for myself. I was already enough for Him and didn’t need to try so hard. That revelation was so much more valuable than my old dreams of a perfect physique.

I’m still working on grasping that concept. But what feels good is growing, going to new places I didn’t know I could go to and seeing that my body can take me there. It feels good to run faster, lift heavier, stretch deeper, and climb higher. It’s more than goals or calories burned. It’s going somewhere you’ve never been before because you want to go there. You can’t wait to get there. You’re excited because you learned something new about yourself. That’s Grace, and it’s an adventure. 

But I’m only free to enjoy the movement and growth because I also know that it’s okay not to stretch physical limits, to accept myself today as I am and live from that place ferociously and without apology. That’s a truth scandalous to the health and beauty industry.

Grace isn’t a happy medium—being “balanced” somewhere between the two extremes of self-loathing and perfectionism.  Grace is an alternative way to live. It’s a belief from which our actions emanate. That belief is this: today you’re loved and you’re enough.

I love what First Lady Michelle Obama said during National Women's Health week earlier this year:

"As women, we're used to hearing about fitness in terms of inches and dress sizes. We may know better, but we're up against near-constant reminders and pressures to look good and take shortcuts to get there. The truth is, being a healthy woman isn't about getting on a scale or measuring your waistline—and we can't afford to think that way."
 

I’m not saying throw away your fitness goals. I’m not telling you to set some if you don’t have any. But if you need to live more restfully and graciously in this area, ask yourself whether you’ve accepted that right now, as you are, you are deeply loved and complete. 

 

Wellness begins there. 

Everything begins there.

Of course there are real health concerns. Of course there are real limitations. Of course to it all! But Grace offers an alternative to making physical appearance a morality question. There is no “right” way to look. There is a free way to live. And Grace will always surprise you and give you flight to overcome both perfectionism and self-loathing.

I hope all this empowers my son Kaden to know that even though his presence dramatically altered my life and body, those changes are as much celebrated as he is. Maybe he won’t be a slave to the mirror or expect his future mate to be. Maybe he’ll be so free that if he’s around a woman trying to objectify herself, he can say to her with a very tender heart, “You know it’s really okay. Right now, as you are, you’re deeply loved and complete. My mom taught me that. And she’s a warrior princess.”

Posted by: Lauren Barnett | Becoming Writer

The Reluctant Pioneer

A story of our church's beginning from Executive Pastor Tracey Rouse

When I’m old and wise and have life stories to tell, I think I’ll call my memoir The Reluctant Pioneer. Until then, I’ll just use it for a blog post.

I think I was born to pioneer.

(To be clear, not in the traditional “settler” or “frontier woman” way- I don’t know how to sew or ring a chicken or mill wheat or milk a cow or anything.  But in the ever-exploring, “building something new” kind of way.  Hopefully you see the distinction.)

And I say ‘reluctant’ because pioneering is not something that I seek out.  It’s not even something I particularly feel gifted in.  I am not the fearless, risk-taking type. By nature, I love order and predictability.  I love knowing what to expect and I like rules!  I also really hate to fail.

My idea of a pioneer is a daring dreamer who thrives on chance and defying odds.  No part of that sentence describes me.

Even so, despite my very precise picture of a pioneer, it seems I am eternally curious and like a good challenge more than I care to admit. Thus, I always seem to find myself somewhere new, working on something new–creating, establishing, shaping.

I’m not a true pioneer, but I apparently get pretty inspired by them and can’t seem to resist joining the team!  How else could I explain how I ended up as the Executive Pastor at Renovatus Church in Charlotte, NC?!

My husband Nathan and I moved from Columbus, GA to Charlotte, NC in 2006.  We had some dear friends who we deeply believed in that felt called to plant a church. Years prior we promised that when that time came, we would pack our bags and follow them wherever they started this new work.  We began our plans to move with no idea where we’d live once we got here or what jobs we’d find to support ourselves, but we were up for the adventure.

Renovatus was officially commissioned that year, and there was a lot to do.  Pastor Jonathan asked me to be his administrative assistant and run the church office on a part-time basis.  I was his first hire.

So, here we were a new church with 2 employees: the lead pastor who has never been a lead pastor before and an administrative assistant who had never assisted before.  Oh, and a host of volunteer staff who also had no prior direct experience in the areas they were serving.  It was QUITE a learning curve.  It was a long season of pioneering on every front.  We were making it up as we went the best we could.  As my friend Mat likes to say, we were building the boat while out at sea.  And that’s not the easiest way to build a boat, my friend!

Since then, every season of growth thereafter for the church has brought about new endeavors to pioneer.

Some we receive with joy and exuberance.  Others with more reluctance and discomfort than you can know.

In some we soar.  In others we flail about just trying to get off the ground.  In all of them we learn.  (As an aside: Sometimes I think learning is enough.  But in more than one of those occasions I’d maintain that learning is overrated!)

Planting a church, growing a church, being the church is non-stop pioneering.  Almost 6 years in, I’m still learning to embrace it.  I’m still learning to lean into the adventure and walk by faith.

Here are a few beautiful things I've reluctantly learned about pioneering along the way:

• 1.  Pioneering is quite the crucible!  New challenges are refining and developing.  Character is revealed.  Leaders and ideas emerge from unlikely places.
• 2.  Pioneering keeps you open.  It keeps you expectant.  It keeps you curious. Every idea is worth exploring, and every option is entertained. Everything has potential and possibility when you are a pioneer.  In this way, pioneering can often foster humility & imagination.  It can also help keep cynicism & close-mindedness at bay.
• 3.  Pioneering keeps you dependent.  I once heard Dallas Willard speaking on the subject of dependence upon the Lord.  Someone attempted to challenge him and said, “We can’t always live at the end of our rope, though, right?”  His reply was simply, “I don’t know where else you’d live.”

Pioneering is the perfect means by which you reluctantly take up permanent residence at the end of your rope and hang on for dear Life.

Original Post Date: March 5, 2012 | Author: Tracey Rouse, Executive Pastor of Renovatus Church

Fall Class Kick-Off Just Three Weeks Away!

It's time again for our fall classes, an excellent place to encounter each other with depth and continuity. We couldn't have expected how successful they'd be, so this time we're getting our hopes up a little higher. :) Each class will be held at the Renovatus Church campus, and registration opens next week.

Rediscovering Creativity

Monday evenings, October 14--November 18, 6:30-8:30PM.Facilitator: Amanda Martin

In Prototype, Pastor Jonathan Martin explores the connection between our true identities in God and the innocence and imagination of childhood. God not only created the imagination, He largely lives and speaks through it. We'll engage this truth through exercises (contemplative photography, illuminated prayers, cross-making, and more) to spark the Spirit connection. Whether you're artistically inclined or feel creatively handicapped, join us as we seek the Voice of Beauty and Love that is constantly making all things new.

Available to: women ages 15 and up

Cost $20

Materials required: sketchbook, colored pencils, Bible, Camera or camera/phone

*Childcare will not be provided for this course, and due of the nature of this class we can't accommodate infants.

With Open Hands

Wednesday mornings, October 16--November 22, 9:30-11:30AM 

Facilitator: Karen Rubbo

Women of the 21^st century find themselves living amid a growing profusion of anxiety, busyness, and noise. Many are in desperate need of returning to the quiet core within themselves. (Sound familiar?) We'll journey to rest through Henri Nouwen’s classic book, With Open Hands,

“[It] compels us to accept life‘s goodness at the precise moment life seems most hazardous and un-embraceable. It offers the mystery of hope in a world gouged by terrorism and given to despair. And as the great divides and differences between people seem to widen and harden, the book draws us into the fiery place in the soul where compassion and true engagement with the world are born and reborn.” –excerpt from foreward by Sue Monk Kidd

Available to: adult women

Cost: Class fee of $15 plus book purchase

Materials: Personal copy of With Open Hands, by Henri Nouwen, journal for assignments and personal reflections.

*Childcare is provided by reservation.

Renovator Julia Clark: A Bit of "Herstory"

Meet Julia, an unstoppable force of love in the world and one of the speakers at the upcoming Women’s Retreat.

Having traveled the globe as a full-time missionary, she’s found her identity in Christ rooted deeply in community with other women, and her hope is that you will, too. A passion for ministry combined with the honesty of her human brokenness makes her perspective compelling.

“I think the number one thing I have learned in becoming whole through vulnerability is that my scars are my beauty marks. So long I bought into the lie of isolation—especially having been through things—that comes with the title of being a missionary. There’s something about the title of being a missionary that brings both honor and shame. To think that you’re a missionary and have actually committed sins… It kept me shut up for a long time. I’ve been able to address these things in the light of the Lord, and I came to realize my scars my beauty marks—they’re my strength. The women of Renovatus are the ones who’ve convinced me that they love me no matter what.”

Julia has worked with Worldwide Evangelisation for Christ (WEC) International for well over a decade. Her specialty is in the Rainbows of Hope division, a service dedicated to children in crisis headquartered in Fort Mill, SC. She’s been all over the world seasoning the earth with the gospel and leading teams of college students to do likewise. 

Some of the countries she’s reached include Equatorial Guinea, Egypt, Nepal, Spain, Albania, and

Cambodia to name a few.

We can’t wait to hear more from her at the Women’s Retreat!

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On Becoming, A Story

When I was a high school teacher, one of the first units every ninth grader in my English class had to complete was “Story Elements.” This was essentially a mash-up of short stories intended to introduce the freshmen to the elements of a story: things like setting, character, conflict, plot, climax, resolution, theme, etc. 


It was one of my favorite curriculums because we were able to cover a lot of characters in brief periods. It was an immersion of sorts into criticism and interpretation for students that were just emerging from early adolescence with their full palettes of emotions. Now we were dabbling into abstract thinking and the full complexity of the human experience. 


The characters were rounder. The plots were denser. The villain was as human as the hero. And cultural context and setting was vital to creating empathy and understanding of themes. As we saw the universals of the human experience – our fear of death, our need for love, the conflict between appearances and reality, man’s war with himself and others, our relationship to the supernatural and natural world – we began to see ourselves and our stories mirrored in the symbols and stages of Story wherever and whenever it was found.


I’ve carried the love of literary criticism and character study into my love of scripture, stories full of complex characters and complicated plots. Far from simple morality tales, the biographies in the Christian canon include men and women of questionable reputations and motives redeemed through often dark and twisted plots and circumstances. In them, too, we see ourselves – and others. 


Ultimately for Christians, we accept this epic as The Story – the narrative of existence that becomes the grid for interpreting our own story and the meaning of our life. We look to the faces of the characters here for a hint about what life is about, where we might find real happiness, love and beauty, and, ultimately, who God is. 


We meditate on the symbols - bring them into our context with hope that they will carry the same mysterious Presence and potency in our setting. It is on the testimony of these storytellers, the scripture authors and letter writers, that we base a great deal of decision-making and hope. Here, we find “words of life.” Where else can we go?


And it’s that question that prompts this blog. As a Pentecostal, I believe strongly that God is still writing His story, that He never stopped talking, that He’s still interacting with sketchy characters and sketching them into something new. I have high regard for the “word of our testimony,” still believing it to be a primary medium for understanding who God’s interested in and what He’s up to. And even after exposure to the scandals of scripture, I continue to be astonished at where He shows up, always favoring the broken over the befit, the notorious over the noble. And it’s these stories, the rake-made-righteous played out over and over in a thousand places, that give me hope in my own daily battle with self-disillusionment. 

Stories, it seem, can save us. 


So this is an invitation. 
For all the would-be storytellers, 
              the pent-up penitent seeking a place for confession, 
              the grappling-with-grayness confused who write to know, 
              the tent-revival testimony givers with shaking hands and spirits, 
              the bewildered by beauty, drunk on life itself,
              the tongue-twisted fumbling for words strong enough to exorcise pain,
              the new,
              the old,
              the in-between everything,
              the whimpering and wailing,
              the easy and the extreme,
             
give us your story. 
It just might save us.



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Amanda Martin
Creative Director of Becoming
Twitter @RenovatorAmanda